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How to accept negative feedback on presentations

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How do you handle negative feedback after a presentation? Or as others put it in politically correct terms… “constructive criticism.” The mere word “criticism” contains so many connotations. From my experiences as an executive coach, I’ve noticed that even though business professionals say “I love feedback” and “Please send me any feedback” or “Let me know how I am doing,” for most part, handling negative feedback is not that easy.

All presenters sometimes find criticism hurtful.

Just this morning I was presenting to a fairly large crowd and at the end someone told me “you could have been a bit faster in the first 5 minutes, you started sort of slow…” Even though I appreciate this statement and will remember it next time, it’s still lingering on in my mind 5 hours later, and I feel its unnecessary weight right in my stomach.

Accoring to researchers, accpeting negative feedback is linked with the ego, which we struggle so hard to protect. When it is threatened or shaken and when there is a bit of ‘hedonic asymmetry’, as a researcher put it (Frijda, 1988), self-defense takes over, especially when negative feedback is associated with domains where we see ourselves as competent (Rudman, Dohn, & Fairchild, 2007).  If you’ve presented for 20 years, it may be increasingly harder to accept negative feedback if you don’t know how to balance the ego.

Seasoned speakers differentiate themselves from average presenters by the way they steer their ego and keep it in check. One of the ways to achieve this is to avoid becoming defensive.

Advanced presenters can argue an idea but do not become defensive when the audience has opposing views or when the environment offers obstacles. In short: advanced presenters do not have excuses. You hardly ever hear a seasoned speaker say “The audience was not educated enough to understand my point of view” or “My presentation would have been great if only the projector worked.” 

It is only average presenters who feel they need to project a positive image and go to extremes to defend their actions. You may have heard presenters twist the truth and inflate a piece of information to appear in a good light. “There were over 100 people in the audience and I was overwhelmed,” they claim, while there were only 50 people in the audience. Or they minimize the gravity of a situation. “The event was not that important,” they claim, even though it was the yearly worldwide sales kickoff. Or they make up self-serving stories to appear in a positive light. “I’ve been doing large-group presentations for 15 years,” even though they’ve only presented to two or three people for the last five.

Others show defensiveness by engaging in extreme self-affirmation, conveniently ignoring negative remarks received and emphasizing positive qualities they possess in other areas (Steele, Spencer, & Lynch, 1993). For instance, you might hear presenters say “I may have gone overtime with my presentation today, but my slides were really great.” It’s always convenient to recruit positive qualities immediately after receiving negative feedback (Dodgson & Wood, 1998).

I have also noticed that average presenters resist feedback (while claiming to welcome it); and do not reflect on their mistakes (which they probably haven’t acknowledged anyway). They often use self-defense mechanisms to regulate negative emotions that cause threats to their self-worth.

Research shows that negative feedback, while providing benefits to the self, can have negative social consequences. For instance, in a scientific experiment, when White students were given negative feedback after an IQ test, they showed greater prejudice against Asian students (Fein & Spencer, 1997). The self benefits by alleviating anxiety, but others around us may pay the price.

The ironic aspect is that the more visible business presenters and executives become, the more some of them feel they need to defend who they are.

Sometimes presenters think they have great attributes (e.g., passionate, self-confident, straightforward) but they come across in a different light (e.g., overzealous, self-absorbed, and inconsiderate). This is why receiving feedback should be mandatory.

To become a seasoned presenter, it is imperative to seek, accept, and implement critical feedback from others. The question stands: how do we best do it? So far, literature suggests the following techniques (Arrendondo, 2000).

1. Be aware when you are defensive and monitor your reactions. This is critical because if your body language is not approachable, it may be difficult for others to offer feedback. Smiles and a welcoming manner will lead to openness, and eliminate potential hesitancy for others to speak with you. Offer appreciation to those who take the time (and emotional energy) to provide negative feedback.
2. Ask questions to clarify. This gives you time to regulate emotions, and to eliminate misunderstanding. For instance, at the end of a segment in a session I presented, someone said, “this was great introductory information.” I was prepared to be hurt because I thought he meant “information for beginners” (as in, “this was too easy”), and intended it as criticism. When I asked, “what do you mean by that?” he explained that it was a great overview of the topic and he wanted to learn more. Getting someone to restating the feedback gives you time to regulate emotions.
3. Ask for examples to clarify what others mean when they provide negative feedback. The number of examples also counts. If someone tells you “you had a lot of ums in your presentation” it is ok to ask how many. If you spoke for an hour and there were only four, you did a great job.
4. Determine the reliability of the feedback you receive. Just because one person considers that you used “graphics that were too sensuous” in your slideware, does not mean that the entire group left with that impression. Numbers and the source count in what we do with the feedback we receive.
5. Practice stress management techniques. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly can help diffuse strong emotions.
6. If you really disagree with the feedback, it is often best to return to the conversation or to the written evidence later when emotions are not so strong.

I would love to hear if you have any additional suggestions for this list. It is often beneficial for all of us presenters to give up the defensive posture, lean towards the crowds, and listen. How do you do it?

References

Arrendondo, L. (2000). Communicating Effectively. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Dodgson, P. G., & Wood, J. V. (1998). Self-esteem and the cognitive, accessibility of strengths and weaknesses after failure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 75, 178–197.

Fein, S., & Spencer, S. J. (1997). Prejudice as self-image maintenance: Affirming the self through derogating others. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73, 31–44.

Frijda, N. H. (1988). The laws of emotion. American Psychologist, 43, 349–358.

Rudman, L.A. , Dohn, M.C., Fairchild, K. (2007). Implicit Self-Esteem Compensation: Automatic Threat Defense. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 9(5), 798-813.

Leary, M. R., & Baumeister, R. F. (2000). The nature and function of self-esteem: Sociometer theory. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology (Vol. 32, pp. 1–62). New York: Academic Press.

Steele, C. M., Spencer, S. J., & Lynch, M. (1993). Self-image resilience and dissonance: The role of affirmation resources. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 885–896.